Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
