Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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