am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
