didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
