I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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