so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
