I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
