I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
