This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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