He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
