I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
