you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
