Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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