If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
