So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
