Swine flu. Run for my life!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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