So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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