singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
