He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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