He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
