I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
