coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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