Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
