i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
