Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
