I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
