Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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