I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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