my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
