WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I will pee on everything he values.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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