u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
