I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
