This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
