i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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