So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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