i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
