He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
