When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
