I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
