We got so high we made milksteak
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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