every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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