I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
