I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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