also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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