I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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