so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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