guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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