i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
