Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
