you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
