she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
