Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
