We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
