it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
